one can never consent to creep when one feels an impulse to soar!!

Isn’t it ironic

2009-08-15T07:32:00.000-07:00

Have I lived a life in my thoughts? Have I created a web of complex imagery, intricate dreams and sweet nothings that have lasted me a life-time? Have I lived in meta-stable state of time where past present future has managed to oscillate pendulously? I cant say that I was conscious of the future, neither can I claim possession of the present, and now as in turn-the-page, the past does not seem familiar… my life, huh, seems like lost in translation.

I have done my duties, abided by the grammar of life in general and family in particular. Education, employment, tangibles and intangibles that I own, that make me what I am! It has been a success story as ‘people’ might summarize. But is it so much about a pass-grade; a letter grade stamped on a mark sheet when its time to graduate. But here and now… what would I graduate into? Life long it was about a hide and seek, and now it all seems so futile. One thing led to another, a supply chain of hypocritical affairs that left no time to stand and stare. Percentages to percentiles, ranks to seats, graduation to masters and all along the numerology of a CTC that make you a ‘complete man’! How funny it was, in a dapper suit polished boots, they calculated my true worth! How plastic smiles and blatant lies measured more than a will to learn and a heart to try! How friends were lost and acquaintances made over a mug of beer and buffet dinner. How love’s labor lost in the silence of honor.

I stare into the nothingness of the inky sky. I try to hunt for the tipping point of my life. I try to rummage through the archives and identify the moment of truth! Alas! Seems like I did nothing wrong albeit… my dreams tell me of a different life story.

I have everything, so it is not a ‘grapes are sour’ melodrama inside. But the shades of my palette seem so very unknown now that the canvas has already been painted. Did I set out to use such colors?

The most important possession a man might have when he hangs his boots… is an equal music. A feeling of resonance with his self, his reflection, his canvas…

I never could say it. I never could stop and stare, neither did I fight for it. Fight for all those which were equal music to me. Instead I triumphed in the unknown errors of my life. My locus went on to follow a pattern, some pattern, got me in to the portals of a social milieu but somewhere I lost my sound of music.

I can’t take it back anymore. The sediments of chardonnay, the smell of turmeric, the rhinoceros (the play)…

The black automobile is parked in the driveway. ‘Take us back to the rivers of belief…’ the Enigma song fills in the airs around. There was a piece of paper with words in black, signed with a promise forever… I try hard to remember its content, I try hard to find it, go back in the past for that one reality I wish I had never lost…

If only wishes were true…

wonderment

2009-05-14T23:22:00.000-07:00

Wonderment
In my crazy dreams, wishes relevant

To be a bus-conductor, in -
Rush hour traffic, innocent excitement
Travels, to hills ‘n waters of the bay, though -
In concrete jungle my story orient

School, then college, a job that paid
Grammar of life, just ten commandment
From fairy tales to poetry learn
Allegory, irony, words do paint

26 letters read write speak, and –
Those five senses so very efficient
With tides of time, values are lost
Emotions survive… mere accident

A father and mother, no talks about
Nuclear love in high rise apartment
Move on, (s)he says, logic (s)he gives
Defined as just another incident?

No reason to believe, no reason to hold
Right questions unanswered, holds the judgment
Where Past is squared, Present continues, to-
Fill-in-the-blanks, like spaces to rent

Wonderment!
Unknown errors of life's intent

Wonderment. The word came up in a humorous context last evening. And humor was in the perimeter of discussion, like sometimes there is pleasure in pain, in a very sarcastic, beautifully ironic way! The context would remain ‘memorable’ for all reasons, left-right and centre but how truly ‘wonderment’ is the mantra of life made me have a silly grin since day-break! Not really a scribble that I thought about a lot, but ya, while just typing this in, I understood how I have been selfish in ways and how I have labored with my ‘great expectations’ without looking at people who never claim their fame, but leaves quite some indelible impressions. Maybe its time to close a counter in my ‘Reliance Fresh’ (a huge pun intended! Hope you get the thought behind!!) and bus…

55

2009-05-11T11:27:00.000-07:00

read Vinnie's 55's and wanted to write one! Din know how to be economical with words 'n thoughts... or maybe there wasnt room enough for a economy class air-fare types story... these words mean any to you.. maybe there's some story, maybe there's none, or maybe just a possibility that there was... when one turns the page :)

quite insane, but such is life... and i fire-fight :)

She
He
Acquaintance
Conversation
Speak
Listen
Smile
Laugh
Exclaim
Confirm
Contest
Create
Silence
Time
Seasons
Story
Vintage
Emotion
Confusion
Confession
Affirmation
Bliss
Magic
Open
Honest
Moment
Cross-road
Diverge
Travelogues?
Epilogues.
Past
Precious
Questions
Silence
Reason
Reflections
Refractions
Bounced
Opaque
Pain
Rain
Music
Harmony
Poetry
Wordsworth
Story
Ending
Success
Failure
Meaningless
Strange
Precious
Continuous
Treasure
Strength?

the early-birds

2009-05-07T01:27:00.000-07:00

It’s been awhile
For the words to snow-ball
Them thoughts to hurl-
Against fabric of the mind
To spin a- rhetoric confined!

All of us think about the future. From the second grade drawing classes to New India Insurance – rahe kal per control, education is about foresight. The grammar of life is largely written for the future perfect; present continuous and past perfect continuous form the ‘unknown errors’ of our lives. But as luck would be I wasn’t good at English grammar when they were taking classes back in school. I had the Wren and Martin, the John Mason textbooks… lessons in a language that teach you to speak, write and even think correctly! See! In talking about the future, somehow I turned the page… back!
What is so impressive about the future that woos us all? Why is it that we need to know where the story would take us, where it would end, even? Cant it end in the ‘odds’?
Life is short, why think so much… life is short, be very cautious! Somehow in every school of thought, there is the great dying urge to create the unnecessary! To talk about the time that hasn’t yet been identified yet. I feel overburdened. My cranial matter, shrinking in the summers of 2009 and you want me to crack some su-do-ku and assure myself of a job for the winters! In class ten, you solve pulley and pyramid problems for the IIT’s and in final year commit suicide cause you don’t know again how future tense would treat you after failing in some weird subject. A subject that aint matter to any living being! But just because there is future…to be made… you munch on.
Even getting a job is not good enough! There also the tests-of-tomorrow take away the present clockwork! No time for coffee and the ‘lot’ that happens over it!
Sometime I don’t know why they have interviews to judge people. The assumption is that the best indicator of the future performance is the past performance! The assumption is that the person would be consistent in that ‘performance’! Mind you – the word is consistent! Isn’t it funny that fulcrum of the future rests in the past? Yet all we care for is the future, using the past – UNKNOWINGLY, as the damned passport to wonderlands!
We exhibit amazing predictability! Doctor engineer, marketing finance, Mumbai Bangalore… or as Obama might say Buffalo Bangalore, we all soldier on! Future is the divine sauce served to lubricate (fertilize? Thy brain!) our rat race carts!
What is the purpose of life? Security? Happiness? Pleasure? Fame, glory, high-speed drives, sweet lullaby? What is the eye of this storm?
Some do not live for a purpose, their actions don’t have a prefix, their behaviors don’t have patterns, and maybe they are fooled by randomness. That would be an entire subject of ‘chaos theory’ but my point here is, these people make a lot of assumptions!
Question the assumptions you have made in life and the purpose would emerge. Food, water, the roof over-above, the comforts, relations, emotions… everything is quantifiable and is being the momentum behind life. In the comfort zone, we just fail to admit and admire the point-of-balance, for our lives…
Sometimes the purpose lies in the future, sometimes maybe future is the purpose! In the every shifting scales of time, we are, hence, always trying to be the early-bird! And when everyone wakes up to be the early-bird, maybe the worm still has a chance to live!
There are many aspects of life that I haven’t been able to define and measure… but I can’t see into the future, there is so much to look around right here, right now. I can be true to just this perimeter of my life.
Future is eventual. Future is gonna hit the theatres soon, I mean, hell! Theatrics of life. Some would gross more, some would be wash outs and some would remain the dark knights (amen to KKR ‘n SRK!), but I can only promise what I have. I can only stand by my present and assure as much.
So every time I look at the clock, blurring the tenses of with every periodic move, I look back to preserve the past. I look back to remember the events, the people and emotions I carry, I call my own. For the ‘Buffalo Soldiers’ it might appear baggage, but its just because they are too poor and thin to hold on. Too fast too even realize that, eventually, time ‘flies’… away! And it’s no race at all.

within without

2009-04-18T10:00:00.000-07:00

Sarcasm is like a magic cloak that hides, rather tints quite a few emotions, quite a few realities in strange ways! With 99 shades for a two wheeler and some thousand Royal emulsions on the wall, manifestations are no longer simple, rarely honest as well! And so is required the humor-in-uniform to appear brave! Appear, mind you!

This also has the huge overtone of uncertainty. What is ‘in store’ (pun intended) and what can be acquired are not quite objective! And at what cost? Time? What are the options, exhaustive? The perimeter of global kingdom, via the virtual domain, reaches out to an igloo from a hammock! And in this ‘search’ for buffer, we generate tremendous amount of data as well! Social networking sites to e-commerce; e-buy to (e)education, where is the touch and feel? I mean, is there a need even? Broad band promotions beam an impatient youth living on the edge, proud and (em)powered, just ‘cause he has a Charles Babbage invention (that would be a computer!) and some gigs of connectivity! Little drop(s) of joy! The world is a pretty place, and am a happy child!

I see a zillion pearls in the laughter around! From the whites of a toothpaste-brush, to the engagement platinum, gold affairs, to even the politicians shameless yet bold (and beautiful!) in their promises dispensing vocal tonic (read verbal diarrhea!) – happiness, more or less! The class, caste wars, the religious barbarism and nukes power play are all DISPLAYED, presented with so much perfection, that I wonder if they can all be laughed away anyway! Or rather left for the fertilized brain of the crème de la crème. Those who do not let the dirt and muck stick to their gabardine yet claim to feel the rhythm divine! Those who talk about the ‘without’ with so much ‘within’ that as a third person you feel left out man! Identity crisis – who am I? Mother! Why don’t I see the guiding light, or the shadow-lines?

What is there ‘within’ is what we cannot do ‘without’. Rather, we even need not to. That would be making ourselves an outlier to our own existence, like an out of form creature who can always double up as a politician (I guess the only profession that needs a ‘life support system’, if you really get what I mean!!)! Support! One for all and all for one… clarion calls where collectives are spelt, have all been laughed away. Group dynamics is tinted towards a particular shade, quite difficult to find from the rainbow though! Avril sang ‘Complicated’, rather she had quite a few questions in her song, sigh! Why don’t they sing some with the answers as well? I mean, why leave the solutions for the dumb ass brains who do not know how to sing, make movies, win elections, be a slum-dog millionaire et al! How the hell would that ‘another brick in the wall’ know the secret to salvation? What would they do with so much data? What would they do with so many options? How would they know the inside from the outside?

Everything thus reduces to a mathematical head-tail unbiased (sarcasm intended!) toss where there is CHANCE of spring and there is chance of Lady Katrina ‘take my breathe
(life!!) away’… aha, in just one flash! What am I to do? Write fancy poetry to post on the blog? Try to run and hide from the ‘within’ or suffer for the lack of ‘without’?

When I travel in the local bus, hang from the local trains and walk down the streets of the city in Calcutta, in Bombay, all I see is mathematics at work. An infinite loop of conditions that entangle across like crazy swim-lanes, making us wonder what greater intelligence would be! IS rather!

In the great asymmetry of our lives, we arrange ourselves in set patterns, education, love, lust and all those labor lost, even the agony aunts who infuse strength and compassion, we try to find a place in silos! And till we get to tint our holier than thou soul in some color, we are all smiles… one big happy family! A speck of dust in the infinite universe, the vacuum ‘within’ and existence (acceptance) ‘without’!

you said it

2009-04-06T01:36:00.000-07:00

Communication across the revolutionary divide is strictly partial – not my line, read somewhere. And in that doped exchange or transfer of said (unsaid) wisdom, the lunacy of life breeds! Germinates! I pay a six thou ticket for a flight from Bombay to Calcutta and I find people fanning themselves with handouts inside the carrier! Even the red herrings, I mean the airhostesses cant find aristocratic ways of being bothered of the beads and rivulets! I was told that the outside temperature is so high that the air conditioner can’t cool off enough! You know… was the look given by that lady with a maroon lipstick! Ha! Elementary education and hospitality lessons seem to have taken a beat! Did I look like a dropout from eight grade? The bird wasn’t even air borne and she was talking of temperature difference, did she know up above the world so high, the temperature is sub zero? And then would the air conditioners work their magic or would it still be a cheap stake way of saving a few liters of fuel! The low cost airline with a premium get-up! It’s sad how the recession has been a face-saver for these rat mentality business ventures, sweeping all efficiency issues under the carpet!
The other day I went to this mall called City Center. Quite expansive in the City of Joy! And there was this education fair going on. I heard this pretty (pun intended!) lady say aloud, to gather a gang for some promo game… “Now who’s ready to PLAY with ME”! I almost missed a beat, missed a breathe or two and surely reached for the ‘kerchief to whip the fore-head. Am I ready to play with… amen!

a dry inkpot

2009-03-24T13:16:00.000-07:00

Change is the essence of life. Being willing to surrender for what you are, for what you could become. But in the scheme of things and cross of changes the rules and grammar stand ill-defined. Sometimes the wagon-R (read Reliable) of life fails to negotiate a turn and hits the fencings. Sometimes the flat tire is left without a Stepney replacement. Or maybe even the necessity of a journey is fundamentally questioned and not even a smoke trail is noticed! So much for the momentum of life... turbo charged!
I do not know where this scribble would end. Maybe in a long time, this is a first. Maybe there is a dry inkpot and some confused thought. Was that fancy poetry? Some crazy rhyme that once made sense... that once held promise but then Barack Obama became the president of US of A and the leaves withered away! Hell! True or false you just need to blame something. From the financial debacle to the Laden mystery and the Slumdog Millionaire, i can take my pick! It seems now that beginnings do not have a rationale, and there is hardly an end. Life at times just interrupts you in the middle and packs you off. What might you do? Complain? Cry and cry hoarse over the confused past and the perfect present! I mean what is this life so full of care... sorry, I do not want to quote Wordsworth exactly but then, ya... the question words pour along with the emotional outbursts. The lachrymal glands, the cranial matter and the bloody four-chambered heart, all conspire to ‘paint my love’ just like MLTR had sung, only with a lemon twist on the word.. . IF. IF! IF only, just, but, would! You’d paint my love... Ha! The profound foolishness of human mind is enormous.
There are phases of life that hit you like Katharina, I mean the hurricane, but still you seem to be shamelessly biting dust. Reels of the past seem to run full house in the quagmire of a juvenile system! The planetary movements of life nucleate around just one Homo sapiens of the fairer sex and there is tremendous amount of pain. History tells us that men behave wisely after all other options are exhausted but sigh! Even in the darkest hour (I tell you it is pitch black!) of la belle dame sans mercy (look at me even expecting sympathy, empathy...!) blissful ignorance is my actual “credit” rating!
You thought so much, of so much you could think but then just so much it was left at! It was left with! The guise of sarcasm and the faint trace of humour do little to salvage the ends lost and the beginnings erased! Thanks... they (or is it she?) spared the middle! A middle that is now like the stale vegetable left after a Sunday morning market wraps up! You might just try to look back and stop, turn the page and... And... Just maybe move on. It is a great relief – closure. Traffic signals of life, the right guidelines. But do we ever learn red, yellow, and green? I wish I had known you when you were there, or then maybe you would have never been there at all.
Nothing fixes a thing so intensely in memory as the wish to forget it.

Come Feel The Rain

2009-01-27T11:03:00.000-08:00

Run for your life...
There is no way out - from my constant memory
A garden frozen in time
Just the final word... life rendered abuse
Come feel the rain...

You smile the way, it aches!
As you turn back on the one way street
Come feel the rain -
Dont walk away,
Dont look away
Lady just that once -
Know your life

Come feel the rain
Where she never moves
When he calls the world
What they only observe!
In time-less time... Oh
Come feel the rain....

Ahhh

2009-01-26T02:15:00.000-08:00

Thoughts violate integrity
Vows torn apart in the helpless storm
Of a bleeding ego with jumbled words
That tries to rearrange itself… one last time

I do not know the grammar much
Even lack the crystal thought
That essence to move, towards –
Possibility

How time really never heals!
Why life always questions back!
What lessons learnt means alas!
When sound of music never scores!

The wishes remain, safe they are
Like a blank noise fire away
Like a mountain stream, the mid night rain
Meets the end…outside the glass palace,
Beyond the window pane.

The syllabus has changed. A lot of words have been colored, people have been scripted differently and in ways it is difficult to appreciate, feel the connect. But why is it so? In the seasons of the sun, why have the tunes been altered? I am out of place. But the system is so much my own. Can I give up my integrity? Can I let my ego suffocate me? I try, I try to hold on in the primitive ways but then the glass enclosure around is strong. It is funny how I let myself lose my own… how I let the matrix run wild, affected by strange virus no Norton can cure. But I should run… I should give up at last now! Not let the mutations get onto me… but I cant… all the strength, all the valor and confidence seem to evaporate suddenly. And standing near the cross-road, I watch a separation, as again… the invisible time-keeper of life tells me… the jig-saw remains unsolved. And yet again, I am surrounded in the sound of silence. A silence that time has lost track of!

just a post... post 2008

2008-12-31T04:21:00.000-08:00

It’s been a while since the words trickled. It’s been a while now that the blog has been given a word-lit! It’s been a while now that I have turned to myself with the reason to be selfish. But it’s not a while before another year would roll into our lives, with just about the baggage of yester-years.
Reflecting back never really adds to the grey matter wisdom and planning ahead with righteous thoughts and honest intentions also quite fall apart in the whirlpool of a seemingly ‘future perfect’; the new year just stays around like a harmless moment of truth decorated with fan-fare but lost in so many emotions. The irony of life catalyzes this brief interlude.
I do not know what made me scribble in a post that began without a nucleated thought. I do not know if the treatise, if I may call it one, would create a ripple effect for its reader…
The year that was, was good. The changing lanes from corporate to academia, the trek up country from the garden to the ‘maximum city’, from days of self income to monthly pocket-money, ya… hallowed be thy 2008!
Studies in human resource management did nothing to balance the offset of my life. Maybe even did not teach me enough to appreciate the subject. But left me enough to let the sarcasm roll over! In a way I was turning into a cynic who tried to run away from realities that meant nothing to him; rather trying to run after rolling stones which really had the momentum advantage! Stones I call, albeit life-less they weren’t. Huh! A futile imagery to hide behind; glorifying sadness is a way of self-pity, isn’t it? And so the year went on in common sense understandings, uncommon situations of acquaintance and the usual tryst of ‘wishful thinking’!! I mean the dreams, et all which do not take it account any realistic perimeter but just mutate around illogical premises to create the perception reality counters!
The year saw a lot of hope being invested even though the financial markets raped investments in stocks and shares. The recession and dark clouds over management placements – life can’t be holier than thou for the rat racers! Hope was also in a certain matrix reloaded version, applicable to my life. Hope was there for a repair work, a patch, a Norton antivirus to set things right on the substrate of human follies! But I guess, them soft-wares don’t work on live-wares! Words were said, written too, and even composed in poetic (in)justice towards a selfish dream – till the reality bytes nipped through this cancerous outgrowth! I might not make sense, might not appear logical but then yearend blues can complicate the renderings from my bittersweet symphony!
Some things end and some things never, but can both enterprise have a common node to start off from? Can birth and death complement each other in a symbiotic way (other than Ekta Kapoor’s K serial flicks!) Maybe yes… in all of twenty-four years, the constitution of life has not been amended too much but then aspects of life do not stand well defined always! The penumbral zone of life does not cease to exist. And as the year ends, and the year begins, there seems to be a cross-road. Maybe it’s time… for what? Would 2009 unveil but till then, as I watch the night sky turning orange and the zephyr blows with the chilly overtone, it’s a time for a sound of silence! For nothingness, for a vacuum with potential, for a year with a promise towards – life after death!
To happiness and health, to peace and simplicity, to trust and honesty, a great year ahead… my best wishes!

tagged - quirky-wala

2008-06-02T00:36:00.000-07:00

These are the 'holy commandments' (ya dramatic me!):
1. Link the person(s) who tagged you - in this case! raghav
2. Mention the rules on your blog
3. Tell about 6 unspectacular quirks of yours...
4. Tag 6 following bloggers by linking them…
5. Leave a comment on each of the tagged blogger’s blogs letting them know they’ve been tagged...

Quirk-z

1. i go into these 'silent zones' while on the phone. not quite intentional but people freak out when they realize that its the 'sound of silence'!
2. i sing along with tracks that i like albeit my singing is not at all mellifluous
3. i like wearing shorts (as crudely called 'half-pants') all the time - might as well wear them to office!
4. i drive fast might even be rash (never harmed the populace on road though!) and while on a bike i just apply the rear brakes (only!). pretty weird this!
5. i eat fast and make a lotta munching noise (u shudnt be around when am having the onion from the salad! sounds like a marching band). i like eating sugar globules from the homeopathic medicine bottles - just like that!
6. i polish my shoes too much (till they shine n shine n shine!) hate ironing and cant at all sleep with the lights on.

art thou i tag!

somya - the translucentdestiny~
alok - lapsus calami
kaveeta - sachiniti-
soumya - nib n notes
arunabh - fantasy fits!
canary - airs her thoughts!

struggles democratic thru 'n thru

2008-04-28T03:11:00.000-07:00

Its democracy - the freedom at midnight has empowered us. We can say what we want, write what we feel and most importantly... we can opine! Perceive and process things 'our' way. Education provides us with the literatures and mathematics of life while life in itself is a slave in the hands of the end means - the engineering, the medicine, the law, the media etc... The means borne outta education that defines the locus of life - vicious cycle/circle, ironic! All doped with the liberals of democracy.... free will.
Talk of pain, talk of hardships, struggles... talk of battles, talk of 'life' and there'll be dreamy eyes, inspiring words, virtual scars, heart-burns.... there'll be a deluge of emotions, a treatise of examples, anecdotes and terra bytes worth of advice, 'un'adulterated gyan!! It’s like baptism by the fire. The soulful symphony, the touching interludes... all... all seem so precious, to them!!
Generalization! From the ideologies of/for vote bank politics to the "struggles" of their so-called "life"... from the rules of social recognition to the virtues of a married wo(e)-man & vices of all the married men, we live a democratic existence! Truth is universal. There is no right or wrong, there is no need to question! There is no basis defined before the trumpets beat, before their words overflow.
There is no need to quantify yourself, there is always space for the 'I' to park his/her ego and start a vanity fair. With time, the circus becomes a race where 'painful moments & learnings' are documented in colorful scrapbooks, made into catchy power points and woven into mellifluous scores... songs of life!!
There is no tax on expressions. There is no stratification. in the mighty stage shows, the minorities are bullied. The value, importance and sensitivity are lost. Life seems larger than "life" and this virtual reality, certified by the masses (classes?) is the biggest con of human existence. Devised by us, followed by us, without a stop-n-stare, without a rain check, a conscience.... without shame.
What is the credibility? What is the depth, the purpose of understanding? How much of grammar behind the composition? Where is the soul behind the decorative renderings? Democracy is a logic gate, the veritable AND operator that allows everything to cling on, hang on and suffice. Freeway drive.
So people say... eulogize and glorify their space and in collective appreciation, 'life' moves on. Life! The concept we all know blindfolded.
Life is not a cooperative credit society and struggles aint the premium/interest paid on.
The road show reality bytes seem to snowball into a sham. No one cares, there's no room for a collective. The policies and programs that we devise and implement are all unique.
In democracy, there are illusions, there are exclamations.... celebrations, of a life, that we deem to know, deem to have lived through.
We don’t have time. We don’t really care.... life, we really do not know, what it means beyond blue eyes, beyond the I's of the storm.

of a songbird

2008-04-26T00:38:00.000-07:00

darkness.... melt in the rains o' night
crazy patterns on ma window pane - oh yeah!
ever shifting, in timeless time-
would those moments... be-come again...

light n shadow, playful life
smells of love, of days bygone
words 'n phrases ma symphony
soulful render like a song bird yeah!!

smiles of laughter, smiles o' pain, ya -
sounds of silence lilting soul -
would i live, live thru the love?
love... that was left on the cross-road back

a moment... when you would stop and turn
ma feelings... the reason, wud you wud see -
the lock 'n key would open above
dreams of living, lost in ur love.... oh...oh...

move on, dream on... all in your love
with or without you.... believe -
it was true, 'n it lives inside...
ma lady.. this... this cannot hide....

chorus

say again, pray again.. yeah! hold on might
belief, the faith... all ma own -
love again, come again... aint no true; only -
lost 'n found, in me, ma mind... she remain !!

oh.. oh....

the walk away

2008-03-14T12:43:00.000-07:00

I walked away from all I had
From all I had, I walked away
Din not know… what, crossed my mind
When I-
Walked away, when I walked away

Dreams I left, some crimson red, those-
Drops o’ rain, some winter blues
Laughter pearls, those throbs of pain
All left alone, when I
Walked away…

Snaps of time, all framed and bound; her-
Shades of life, a fairy-tale
Wonderland, of highs and lows
Still called me back, as I
Walked away-

It smelt of her, it smelt of time when-
Woven dreams hath warmth of love, now-
Dried greens do pave thee path-
Of a thousand miles, and-
I walked away…

I know not why, I know not how
I stand alone in darkness still
Shadows long, from distant past
In silent night-
I walked away…

Chorus-

I walk alone to the western sky
As she smiled at me, a stranger seemed
The pain all lost in her happy love-
As she closed her eyes to,
Walk away…

all for

2008-03-02T12:05:00.000-08:00

The frame of life in vibgyor, washed
in tears of times, long gone by
Where seasons come and seasons go-
Tales all scribbled on sands of time

Some prose is left, some verse unscored
Some emotions too, seem to hide
Acts of life sans direction look-
A sound of silence resonates inside!

The question words- no options but!
Vacuum around answers not
To strive… to seek, another surge
To turn the page and race the clock.

Ifs and buts… conditions of life
Fulcrum of existence, rhythm divine?
Flashes, imaginations, to live the moment-
The zephyr soothes the soul betide.

The winds of change, the dusk to dawn
Hope, the opium, the pleasure of pain!
Numb in parts, the heart aches though
Awaiting the spark… the night sky glow!

Some chapters written, some characters play
They stop by short and then move on
No time to witness, no time to feel;
No time for ‘chance’, no time for heal

Complex numbers, divine logics
The simple dream, the unabashed love!
Ungoverned by clause, rule or reason
Sung in glory, faith ‘n trust

Turn the page, move on time
Words all scribbled like black slaves march!
Who would reason, who would try
Who would hold… and not hold back?

If wishes were true, if the stars would fall
If the sound of music enchants the soul
The smile of love radiates to shine
For the present ‘perfect’… the futures behold!

Thoughts do meander and thoughts do let
Dreams… desires germinate within-
A hapless smile, a bliss divine-
Lost in translation… to remain unseen.

Tipping Point

2008-01-27T01:10:00.000-08:00

There was an absolute calm as the translucent mist floated across the dark of night. Even the lazy wind seemed to have stopped rolling. The blanket of silence absorbed even the emotions- as if communication was never a facet of existence. The moon, size of a clipped off nail, added little ‘enlightenment’ as life seemed more like hiding desperately from some unknown seeker!
I always believed that there was some 'tipping point' to the nights. A point where the spent forces of the day gave way to fresh spirits for the new day sun. A point where life stood neutral, albeit vulnerable but the most beautiful; where life did not carry the wish-lists, where there were no dimensions of accomplishments… where existence was liberated!
I had woken till late to witness this ultimate moment of life. I have tried to smell the airs, tried to wear the mist and soak in the warmth… I have tried to live that tipping point!
Education, from the alphabets to the numbers, seemed a pointless voyage. The mutation of knowledge kills knowledge itself and at the end we all turn no wiser than we were initially. The lessons of life, lessons in life, could never be scripted so beautifully with all the geometrics and logics of head and heart. Education remained a merry-go-round in the fair of a lifetime.
But today, at this very moment, I feel different. I feel complete. I feel as if I have won the prize but not at a cost. The fulcrum balanced around my existence as realization is borne out of experience. The matrix of various tools of education, signs, symbols and expressions of law and order seem to melt away, leaving behind the dimensionless point of existence – of me, being me, the only truth.
I haven’t lost anything today. Haven’t lost a corporate deal, haven’t been beaten at the stocks, not been left alone in love nor been hurt in some ego stroking duel. There is no reason to mourn as there is no reason to celebrate. There is no over-worked emotion catalyzing chemical illusions in me. But I feel different, I do.
Man, woman and the child- permutated in so many relations in this world, so many emotions, duties, expectations and evaluations. Worth! To prove the value. To earn the value! In itself, no one has any value. Nothing seems precious. The decorations of tangibles and intangibles of life bring meaning to everything. And today, for me, meanings seemed to have changed. Seemed to have shed the ornaments.
What have I lived for? The matured question never seemed to have a simple answer. I have lived for moments. I have lived for expectations- mine and others. I have lived for the seasons, the moods of life and also… have lived to die another day. Death has been repetitive, whoever said you only live once. Been born again and again, with each death, with each failure, with another shot at success.
Others, I have lived for but all for selfish ends, masked, hidden in ways, like the magic of ecological balance on earth, cruel yet necessary! I have lived and died just like the high waves at sea. But today, tonight, seems like serendipity.
The sphere around me seems to have halted. The inter-atomic movements, the Brownian motions, Newton’s laws, gravity… all seem to have been jinxed by some corollary spirit. The Tipping point that I have always imagined – the neutral reality of life. The flash point of life’s universal truth. The plateau of life where the object and image superimpose; the principle of duality, the good and the bad, dark and the light… all seem to have been absorbed into the spirit, the liberation of life.
I am awake, not a figment of a dream. I can see the familiar objects of life in various shapes, in various capacities, standing and holding together the fair we all belong to; the substrate of our existence – I can see them all.
But I feel different. If only words had the power to express what I feel now, if only this moment could be given a chance to grow, into something bigger… The tipping point of life, my life, came in that one static moment of truth, that night, when I had everything, everything, but truly nothing at all.
Existence of a point is a mere presence- formless and I? A mere form trying to exist, without a point.

Ps: I do not really know if there really is a moment of balance in our lives, a moment where existence is not driven by external forces but I just felt… something truly. Suddenly, and thought if I could write it down… Tipping Point, the marker of life’s voyage.

duniya ka naara (aur...main tare zameen par)

2008-01-17T10:20:00.000-08:00

The clock on the blue-white cubicle blinked back like a half-wit moron! Measuring out the minutes and hours of the day without being bothered about its prima focus… its quality, utility and emotions! It just counted through the sanity of my day! My corporate life where emails seemed like spy-games… secret conspiracies and assignments included filling in for privileged foreigners who would take quite sometime to settle down to the eastern civilizations and then work towards some constructive output.
And then every year boss would have the same old question…’When are you getting married?’ My utility has some matrimonial tendril that would one day choke me to death! Oh god, this corporate world where work/ time curve seems to disappear in the positive infinity and the ‘boss quotient’ seems to have the never ending negative gradient. They saw human intelligence is boundless… limitless and its fair to assume that our bosses are the enlightened souls with the halo around their heads.
My best friend is getting married in a fortnight but I have organizational commitments. Shifting to a new office, the gul mohar has been left behind… just this makes me sad at times when I stare out and long for the fiery orange dotting the green! My colleague has a three month old she misses, quite openly and there again I feel so sad for her… poor soul!
People around have nothing special to discuss about. They talk about the damn weather, the pollution, neighbor’s new car and worsening traffic of the metro! And today they were in the hungry hippo mode! All day, it was like a big buffet with everyone talking about dishes from all over the national kitchens!
I worked out of my blue-white space; trying to diffuse the emotions and rage inside… wondering what would really help. Wanted to run home for a nap, or maybe hog a Mc veggie and then the sinful chocolate at the Barista down-lane.
I wanted to fly home. Shut out the din of the human song and ring of the corporate jingle bells that made everyday seem like Christmas! I wanted to work and not feel it encompassing everything else. I wanted to get back the gul mohar tree again.
What is wrong with me? The corporate virus seems to have seeped into the hard drive of my life and now everything seems to be getting a corporate approval before execution! My loyalty, devotion, goodness (most importantly!) seem to be dipped in the blue-white of the organizational color.
I am so very important to the people and the troupe around! They are all so much busy and caught up in varied battles and situations of life… and I feel the rush of compassion wash me off with a guilt- oh how selfish have I been to just think of my own clot? How selfish of me to run and take time-off, attend my best-est chum’s shaadi! Give maa a surprise by the surprise visit I have never managed in the three years that I have ‘served’ the company! I am so ashamed to be so caught up with my own bag of bananas!!
I saw my sister balance her family and work and even she took a year off but then she was in the governmental agency, I am a private corporate citizen and like the LED of my desk clock, I need to run on…
I am a girl… a woman, a lady, I do not know if my age would influence you to use wither of the words but then, never ask for ‘her’ age, as they say! And till the time I tell my boss, at the annual appraisal that I am getting married… huh, life is going to be like this- little of my own, a lot of my ‘others’ and most of my ‘nothings’ – for all that I want is not in the blue and white of my space in the temperature controlled room, a little of what I want is just the ol’ tree from my window… a fiery orange – bold and beautiful!
And for the better part of what all I would want… well, I don’t know… in the constitution of my corporate citizenship, somewhere, I have so many roles to enact… I have forgotten when I am me.
I just get up a bit late nowadays, maybe all I need is just a little bit of rest topped with a sizzling brownie ‘n chocolate sauce.

something would be outta nothing

2008-01-07T08:44:00.000-08:00

A thousand tears! A zillion reasons to wrench in pain, feel the virus of self-pity corrode the guts out of you. The big bad world against the self, like a serpent from the fairy tales coiling eternally, strangling out the spirits and hope.
Life is a pot boiler of strange portions that seem to easily stimulate the tear glands, the lachrymal glands, as they are biologically called!
Cynical, irritating, complaining, sad, dejected, loud, impatient, volatile, negative, heavy, aged, enlightened… somehow a lot of laurels can be heaped!
Life and times might not be like the J curve of economics, it might not have a positive gradient also but then heck! It’s the very moment that we seem to miss so easily in the craving for the future and the scare of the past. What we have is here and now…

With a wad of bus-tickets, conductor I would
The bath-tub on sofa, bus-driver with a hoot!

Ten paisa and twenty would contribute to buy
Rubber balls for cricket, paper kites to fly

The pet birds… verandah, my little aquarium-
Rhythm less on tabla, the polished harmonium

Illustrated classics, Oliver and Finn
Art classes on Saturday, then Charlie Chaplin

Stories of yore, the dreamy eyed boy
Chocolates and toffees, those ultimate joy

Scooter ride with dad, riding ‘long fast
The road-side sugarcane, in the summers be must!

Friends all so many… man! scream and shout
Roller-coaster of life… just all round-about!

2007 gave a lot erased a lot. The ledgers of life don’t seem worth a hair-splitting analysis. In the principle of duality, the joy gives birth to pain… the light gives birth to shadow- might be vice versa but should that matter? The hen or the egg dilemma? The existence matters and so I guess 008 would be the new bond!
The effort to live for the present; the effort to etch a smile and not shade the grumpy sketch of a burdened face. The effort to modulate, the effort to focus. The effort to honor and appreciate what all is there.
A little bit of honesty and a little less of hunger… maybe there is madness, a joy in the surroundings that are shy to reveal themselves in front of the lofty dreams and missions we have. Let’s play that hide ‘n seek for a change! Lets try to forgive and forget and not be in the prisoner’s dilemma of a game theory situation! Let words, music, actions and motions fortify the basement of life’s pyramid.
There is nothing to evaluate against, nothing to compare and lose… there is just the moment, the flash… and a desire to click a brilliant picture on the reels of time.
Stars do fall unnoticed-
Tare Zameen par-
A patient search found
Tare Zameen par-
A bundle of joy, this realization
Tare Zameen par-
The countless dimensions radiate
Tare Zameen par-
The innocent happiness generate-
Wohi… Tare Zameen par-

Kho naa jaye yeh… Tare Zameen par…

SALA

2007-12-19T06:41:00.000-08:00

sala! acchai ka dhol
sacchai ka bol
teri dukh bhari kahaniyan
wo purani sabh nishaniyan

soch ke pareshan
kya waqt ki imtihaan?
sawal anek sala!
jawab toh nahi mila..

kavita, pravandh o' bhai!
wo yaadein bulake lai
aasoon seh bheegi sari
sapnoon ka mayajaal!

bharosa kispeh karun
main atith seh hi darun
sabh ekich type hai-toh
koshis nako biru!

jhoot ki hai yeh khel
jhooti thi woh mail
abeh hata sala tu bhi naa-
sikha nehi kaise jeena

faida nehi, bhaw nehi hain sala
dikhaweh ka hi samay kayam hain
kisko padi, kisko lagi
kiske mannmeh bhawna jagi??

fast lane life, mbps speed!
bytes are thrown, hard to catch
norton protects the heart inside?
virus matrix- still plots do hatch!

the simple prog when i do run
output null, the cursor waits
ignorance bliss, i tell myself-
blame the luck n curse the fates!

showbiz man! darn! circus run
face paint wear, dazzling light
looks so good, smells o' nice
hollowed dimensions seem so bright!

abeh rota bahut hain
bolana tujhe main!
kuch chutkule suna
warna-koi dhun gun-guna-

gyan sagar meh dubki lagake
dho dal aapna ratan bhandar-
nayi bol, koi nayi dhun banake-
chale chal nayi disha keh oar-

words no more-

2007-12-14T23:27:00.000-08:00

words that floated like wasted pollens
words that 'faded' with the break of dawn-
words that expired with the measures of time
in rush hour, words.... all lost and gone

in words to explain, i did try
with words to express the locus of life
to try and get the harmonic wave
bearing words- to seek, to strive

words to link, words to break
words of emotions- tailor-made
of friends, of those, now no more-
do some remain, still unsaid

words, a gift. a strength... support
a purpose drives the essence ahead
words catalyze, the cross of change!
tales o' life, of words are made-

words of chance, words of show
liar! liar! a word game played
the selfish gains those spoken words-
hollowed currency for the worldly trade!

words affect, the foolish souls
the trapeze of thoughts, highs n lows,
words of one, its effect on else-
on canvas of life, its magic shows!!

have written enough, those honest words
some happy sad, some in dire straits-
the worldly wisdom did overwrite
did mask most of the truest traits...

words of questions, words of chance,
words of plea, a reason to believe-
words of try, of efforts made
words to hold and not to leave

now no more, no words would waste
my experiments with truth, the cup overflows-
trials and errors, words-worth remain
turn the page-
as the lilting zephyr slowly blows...

Cross Road

2007-11-14T10:22:00.000-08:00

The boundary wall, front of the house
Waist high, painted yellow
Sitting over, in conversation…

The metallic clamor, high pitched horns
Shred the black muslin of the night
Light and sound shows of life play on.

Time would flow, or stop in sense
Over words exchanged; over nuances strange
And the cool zephyr, some rustling leaves-

Sometimes walking down the road
Treaded lanes, by lanes of life
Lost in words… more than words?

The wagons of life pierce the darkness
The head-lamps create crazy patterns
As the sound of silence wrecks the night!

Have said so much, in joy and pain
Heard them all of seasons in the sun
But loved them all within the bounds of a heart.

Traces come back, some words of spring,
Nostalgia grips for those pains and hurts
When the words were damp, moist with pain…

Each one mine, those words, feelings
Witnessed by the nocturnal traffic
Etched on the yellow brick and mortar.

But now no more… no words, for long
The seasons lost in the black hole of time
The vacuum rolls inside me deep.

She walked across the cross-road alone
Lost in the traffic, the voice, the seasons-
The black o’ the night lost its story-teller

The yellow boundary wall gathers dust
But do memories rust in the dungeons of time?
Honest emotions though… run over –

In that cross-road of life-
I lost the story, I lost the words
And now…
The sun and rain aint hurt no more
And the nights, seem a stranger-
Filling the gap before a new dawn breaks…

Only the cross-road stole my seasons in the sun.

for once

2007-10-28T10:02:00.001-07:00

We are a funny lot. And not because we can emote like the Chaplin of yesteryears but because we never tire of the mask that we wear to all the parties of civilized existence. Education gives us the latitude to think… and also the longitude to juggle! Words, ideas, arguments, facts, figures, the entire gamut! Now let’s leave the damp angle of emotion out – anyway that’s a perennial perjury we have mastered in all the role plays around…
We do not love to lose. Accept that the shine might have worn off… accept that some mistake has been made – we love to play on. An entire nation watches, reads and tries to assimilate the nuclear deal. A Prime Minister cooks magic portions for the newsprint sans the support of his cabinet; at the end of the day, he remains a ‘muggle’ being thunderstruck by some spell of democratic coalition, communist sentiments and mind boggling international wizardry!
Who would want to lose the seat of power? Who would not want to re-gain the throne? And who would really know whether these scrawling signatures on starched deals make a difference to the rising sun – another day in paradise (lost?)?
We debate. From the pages of The Telegraph, to the portals of NDTV, we stitch words and phrases supported by facts, figures and ‘expert opinion’, we harangue over a nuclear deal.
We have people with fluid expressions winning over the crowd – none the less sensational performance! In a democracy, the majority takes the booty, but then who is the majority is this entire tale of nuclear fall-out? Who would stand to gain or lose if Uncle Sam smirks on us? For whom are they debating? The majority is not the electorate! Not the tax-payer, nor the rural, urban denizens of team India.
It is about political science, diplomacy and word play. It is about these weapons that catalyze exothermic reactions across global diameters. It is about people who do not love to lose. English is a funny language, funnier when you articulate fast, hilarious when you add that foreign ascent – but it gets the job done!
The elected heads of various political schools cannot simply agree whether certain understandings would be good for the country! Then why are they there? Is it that one man’s meat is another man’s poison? One party can be better than the other in terms of efficiency, in planning, in execution and transparency of actions. We elect people but for the country and not for the part ideology. But lo! Politics is a profession now! And no one likes to lose! Opposition, coalition, cabinet, the three legs of a tripod! The Prime Minister can get licked you-know-where if he does not feed these bloodlines.
We, the people, manage life without such deals. How has India progressed and has India really seen the rising sun would be a different debate but then really, in this snake and ladder, we do not get to throw the dice.
Jargons which do not make sense to us, principles that would not erase the worries of a daily struggle and footage that seems such a big waste when a nation is hardly equipped to run through a micro-level existence. India is not the bourgeoisie. India is not the su-do-ku of stocks and shares, GDP, FDI and IT boom. India is not about how millionaires are swearing by foreign labels and certainly India is not about vested interests of politicians who do not wish to lose!
We never ask for a degree for the PMO, we never ask for qualifications to get into the hallowed portals of the Lok Sabha and Rajya Sabha – its only words… speeches, passions that make us get them into the game. And then, the matrix plays for itself!
It is for the country. Is it good? Why should it be a Congress or a BJP to decide? Why cannot all of them unite and see through the job at hand? Why should the CPM behave as if it can live only by fear psychosis? Putting everything together why cannot there be a common rail to drive over?
Forget the need to complete a five year term, forget the need to grab the seat and steal the credits of a nuclear deal and forget the dwindling fortunes of an age old political ideology that has not given anything to the fractions ruled over, forgetting everything but the impact on India, we can win over the deal.
Let this not be a vote begging ticket, let this not be a dirt on some politicians gabardine, but let this be an example in world democracy where, we, the people would emerge winners.
No expert opinion, no vested interest to boot and mostly no fear of failure.
We need to better ourselves and surge ahead. There is no scope for mud slinging.
At the end of the day, the queen and the pawn go back to the same box… its time we face ourselves and see the Indian is us, sans the political mantras.
Emotionally speaking, it would make us proud, for once, if united we draw the winning wager. Its all in the heart, in the thought and approach and not the principles of worldly wisdom – all we need is to look at the screen behind the mirror, maybe see the tricolor with a little more passion!

5 questions and 5 miles

2007-09-19T07:36:00.000-07:00

Why?
Why not?
Why can’t?
Why me?
Why again… why me?

Hit the nail on the mushroom head-
The grey & white (matter!) of a hapless soul
Hit on hard, hit on hard…
Hit on till the feelings are dead.

Scorch the heart and burn the head
Weakness for and of a reason
Do what would fetch in the rat race, mate-
Emotions sold for price of lead??

The clouds bring rain, the waters turn snow
Life does give a fair chance ‘round-
But crash boom bang… and turn the page-
What of worth, this use and throw?

The books of wisdom, lessons to preach
Of science, of reason, of numbers and figures
But where to find the measure of life…
Art of living who would teach!

It’s an art remember! A game supreme!
Nothing is what it is oh friend!
So near, yet so far, operate-
The meta-stable of real ‘n dream

No point to echo the questions inside
Of which no answers are borne in time
No use to feel the emotions mutate
Those drops of pain you strain to hide

The traffic of life on the greens and reds
Would leave you mate, and move across
No time to spare, no time to waste
No time to wait till the dream begets

No magic wish, no second chance
No given chance, no taken word
No questions asked, no answers given
The rains of life… the rhythm to dance

I lost the reason in my search for answers
To questions which do matter to none
And so I give a long last look… and turn-
Over the 5 mile road, of my dreams long gone…

The questions are dead, the pain I hide
No longer to show, no longer to plead
The letters slowly erase themselves…
Catalyzed in… the time- the tide.

the open buk test of life...

2007-09-08T04:18:00.000-07:00

What is love? What is love?Baby don’t hurt me… don’t hurt me… no more… and like Jim Carrey you have to jerk your head sideways – quite vigorously!

From the great Indian Laughter Challenge to Russell Peters… from the mushy Indy-cinema to the glistening glory of Hollywood stars… from the New Mom’s shopping outlets to Archies cards… love is in the air!

Its an all weather phenomena that sometimes makes a mockery of all the geographical, religious and sexual divide that we have managed to discern. Its not a set piece movement out of the soccer games or a practiced move from a hockey-ed Indy-movie that has managed to score some new records @ the box-office.It just happens and they say that Cupid, the blind archer, is responsible!

LOVE – hmmm… Legacy Of Volatile Emotions.

Or you can replace volatile with vandalized.

The flowchart starts of with attraction graduates into infatuation and then you have the ‘sudden –death’ where the match is won or lost. There are other kinds of love as well… the parental, national, animal, floral, culinary, cultures, literature, I-know-all-bookworms, sports, music, travel-related, creativity (the various arts- modern art which makes sense even if u turn the painting upside down!!)… and lots more. Cant forget crime, terror, power, money, status… love has managed to gate crash into all the parties of life!But the others are definite forms wherein its interest, passion and then love and mastery… The unconditional parental love… siblings, family, friends – love, having the dimensional aspect. You might not choose such threads of your life’s parachute but then mostly they hold you through…And in this surety, love is generalized!

Like Newton’s third law, demanding an equal and opposite reaction…

The paperback novels, the celluloid and anecdotes from the hemispheres around…lo! The flight of fantasy is borne!School, college, university, corporate campus – the battlefield is everywhere. Fashion, style, fads and even politics… the movers & shakers aint bother much about rules.It’s more like a strategy. You have the tips to a man’s heart and ways to a woman’s soul – they even publish such stuff in the newspapers.Hearts are won, time is less and life is short! So called love marks the Valentine’s Day…would you be my valentine? Blind dates, match-fixing and life on the fast lane…

The break-up over a few tissues and words of glory, a few promises and a few lessons… single and ready to mingle!Can love play second innings in your life? Or is there a way to ensure a steadfast partnership on debut?We blame the men and try to protect the women, oppressed. We try to drown in self-pity, rewind and play the archives of our relation directory!

And then we decide that it wasn’t love! No! Voila! It was a trap, a play, entrapment and we deserve much better! The chest bulges out, the lips curl in some involuntary pride and you are again swimming in the whirlpool of life.When can we know its ‘lock kiya jaye’? How is the measure of time a catalyst in these reactions? Friends, relatives… we all have seen the old wine of love being poured across varied shapes and sizes… we have felt good, bad and angry but the question with which this scribble began… hmmm… has no answer.Now Adam and Eve, the historical & fictional characters have all made us marvel with philosophies that have been analyzed over PhD courses, which have given birth to schools of thought… but let me ask you again… when do you know it’s the winning wager?

When do you know, it is really love?‘What is this life so full of care… we have no time to stand and stare…’ and we move on with the half-truths and the hopes of the biggest truth of our life. Of our life, remain these emotions, this love… the rest? All go into the 6 by 4!Destiny’s child.Do they teach these at any B-school? Maybe Cupid can take a guest-lecture for us.Till then… its Archies, CCD, Barista – as they say… a lot can happen over coffee JThe candle (light) in the wind…

turn the page

2007-08-28T10:30:00.000-07:00

Across the street the shadow crossed
Amidst the lights ‘n sounds of life
Another turn and then was lost

Another turn and then was lost-

Without a word, without a cry
The time traveled like washed in tide
A gilded truth turned naked lie

The empty road in the melted dark
The chill ‘o air of silence breathes
Splashes of time, indelible mark!

Splashes of time, the indelible mark-

Words worth once seem nickel and dime?
Questioned against the ethos still
Music and lyrics can no more rhyme.

Not worldly wise emotions are
Across the street, as left behind
Those logics of life resonating afar

No one to break the silence
No one to question me-
No one to deny this pleasure
In the emptiness I see…

Left me where I stood-
You believed I could…

Oh ya! You believed I could…just

Turn the page ‘n wash the inks
The impressions inside I would hide
The silent tear in sudden moments
I couldn’t betray… sorry, I couldn’t hide