emotionslos

deutsch.. meaning 'loss of emotions'

when i look back in life, turn the page.. i feel that i have knotted all the tributaries n distributaries carrying my life blood. its not that red liquid with complicated classifications, its just a metastable 'something' i label as emotion...

i never could classify it, gauge its bounds, its limits and reaches. but as this flowed inside i could feel the rolling, the tinkling.. the rumbling.

the quiver of arrows that beautify this jig saw of life; the results of life's 'manthan', the battles... what do we generate, what do we wear on our sleeves?! emotions.. the trail of the lachrymal or the glow of unbriddled happiness- 'love, devotion.. feeling.. emotion'.. as enigma sang out.. return to innocence!

but i have lost them.. in this fast n furious ride, in this 'highway to hell', i have let that flavour get polluted. i have not respected the vibgyor of life. in this frenzy i have trampled over my own sorrows, undermined the little joys and overlooked the moments of pride and passion...

i have moved on... with the devil's advocate i have ravaged all that i had.. and its over now.

i remember as a child i loved the cloudless sky dotted with the kites... reds, greens, yellows- their long tails wobbling in the air- i wanted to reach out to them.. fly high! and i did.. but that day i din feel that chord in me; i just marveled at science n settled in the executive class comforts paid for... just debit-credit folks!

the rains din spray on my face, as i watched from inside 'controlled environs'.. i din even smell the earth, din even spalsh!! did i miss the nuances of life? the emotional tag that made life so special when i was germinating??

some relations, some threads of bondage, obscure faces stare at me when i look back but i see the affections in their eyes, i see i still have a space to squeeze in there... and i long to, but alas! its emotionslos! the mechanisms of life help me toil, driven by logic and reasoning i drive myself, strain myself.. harder every time. i know not where i am heading, to whom?

i only know, i have lost my bag of emotions and am just trying to run away... just run away