duniya ka naara (aur...main tare zameen par)

The clock on the blue-white cubicle blinked back like a half-wit moron! Measuring out the minutes and hours of the day without being bothered about its prima focus… its quality, utility and emotions! It just counted through the sanity of my day! My corporate life where emails seemed like spy-games… secret conspiracies and assignments included filling in for privileged foreigners who would take quite sometime to settle down to the eastern civilizations and then work towards some constructive output.
And then every year boss would have the same old question…’When are you getting married?’ My utility has some matrimonial tendril that would one day choke me to death! Oh god, this corporate world where work/ time curve seems to disappear in the positive infinity and the ‘boss quotient’ seems to have the never ending negative gradient. They saw human intelligence is boundless… limitless and its fair to assume that our bosses are the enlightened souls with the halo around their heads.
My best friend is getting married in a fortnight but I have organizational commitments. Shifting to a new office, the gul mohar has been left behind… just this makes me sad at times when I stare out and long for the fiery orange dotting the green! My colleague has a three month old she misses, quite openly and there again I feel so sad for her… poor soul!
People around have nothing special to discuss about. They talk about the damn weather, the pollution, neighbor’s new car and worsening traffic of the metro! And today they were in the hungry hippo mode! All day, it was like a big buffet with everyone talking about dishes from all over the national kitchens!
I worked out of my blue-white space; trying to diffuse the emotions and rage inside… wondering what would really help. Wanted to run home for a nap, or maybe hog a Mc veggie and then the sinful chocolate at the Barista down-lane.
I wanted to fly home. Shut out the din of the human song and ring of the corporate jingle bells that made everyday seem like Christmas! I wanted to work and not feel it encompassing everything else. I wanted to get back the gul mohar tree again.
What is wrong with me? The corporate virus seems to have seeped into the hard drive of my life and now everything seems to be getting a corporate approval before execution! My loyalty, devotion, goodness (most importantly!) seem to be dipped in the blue-white of the organizational color.
I am so very important to the people and the troupe around! They are all so much busy and caught up in varied battles and situations of life… and I feel the rush of compassion wash me off with a guilt- oh how selfish have I been to just think of my own clot? How selfish of me to run and take time-off, attend my best-est chum’s shaadi! Give maa a surprise by the surprise visit I have never managed in the three years that I have ‘served’ the company! I am so ashamed to be so caught up with my own bag of bananas!!
I saw my sister balance her family and work and even she took a year off but then she was in the governmental agency, I am a private corporate citizen and like the LED of my desk clock, I need to run on…
I am a girl… a woman, a lady, I do not know if my age would influence you to use wither of the words but then, never ask for ‘her’ age, as they say! And till the time I tell my boss, at the annual appraisal that I am getting married… huh, life is going to be like this- little of my own, a lot of my ‘others’ and most of my ‘nothings’ – for all that I want is not in the blue and white of my space in the temperature controlled room, a little of what I want is just the ol’ tree from my window… a fiery orange – bold and beautiful!
And for the better part of what all I would want… well, I don’t know… in the constitution of my corporate citizenship, somewhere, I have so many roles to enact… I have forgotten when I am me.
I just get up a bit late nowadays, maybe all I need is just a little bit of rest topped with a sizzling brownie ‘n chocolate sauce.