she's achtzehn-to-be...

She was pretty annoyed, disappointed I would say when I din complement her; as everybody says, she has a doll’s voice! Well, I kinda belong to the other end of the spectrum- biologically, and hence had not played with dolls… never heard ‘em also.
But hell! It was soft; it was sweet… but like the embedded choco chips in caramel, it had the determination of an individual who knew what she stood for.
Somehow she trusted a voice transmitted over CDMA technology from quite some distance! I wonder what was that she tied her boat to…
There was clarity in what she believed, in what she said. There was apprehension that she might be wrong but that did not show in her presentation. As they say, to shield the larvae, you need a cocoon.
‘Three cars, of which two would be mine…’
She was very different from what I stood for. From what I believed in, from what I subscribed to! And the intersections (if you would draw a Venn diagram!!) were crazy! Movies, certain songs, certain people, certain beliefs (ahem! Religious sentiments- hey am pseudo secular!!) were all that we agreed upon. It’s very difficult to accept points of view which clash against personal likings. All boiled down to debates; heated discussions, if I re-phrase it, and fights! A wonderful debater, her words had the sinusoids of life, had the conviction, had the force as well as momentum to hold its own. I don’t know who won in those verbose exchanges but it just never stopped.
Neutrally speaking her confusions, entangled thoughts and beliefs should not have been judged cause that’s her essence.
And she cried a lot. Sorrows are never poetic, I feel, but then those tumbling words soaked in tears made me helpless. All the more so- me being the reason behind.

She’s a ‘wundervoll’ person, and I feel she would sparkle from every dimension of her persona. From her I have learnt that nothing is more important than chasing your dreams, nothing is more ‘kostbar’ than ‘gerwinnen’- to win! When I turn the page, looking back to the matrix of two people, I just hope there’s enough happiness for us.
Chase your dreams ‘fraulein’ and I do hope the resonance strikes as there would only be the frills of unbridled joys- with no strings attached!
As for me… mmmh, the mountain wind (that’s what my blog identity means!) blows between the crests, whooshing through the hills till there’s time- but not yet… not yet!

Ps: Past tense is a concrete basis which is never erased voluntarily- my reason behind its usage.

emotionslos

deutsch.. meaning 'loss of emotions'

when i look back in life, turn the page.. i feel that i have knotted all the tributaries n distributaries carrying my life blood. its not that red liquid with complicated classifications, its just a metastable 'something' i label as emotion...

i never could classify it, gauge its bounds, its limits and reaches. but as this flowed inside i could feel the rolling, the tinkling.. the rumbling.

the quiver of arrows that beautify this jig saw of life; the results of life's 'manthan', the battles... what do we generate, what do we wear on our sleeves?! emotions.. the trail of the lachrymal or the glow of unbriddled happiness- 'love, devotion.. feeling.. emotion'.. as enigma sang out.. return to innocence!

but i have lost them.. in this fast n furious ride, in this 'highway to hell', i have let that flavour get polluted. i have not respected the vibgyor of life. in this frenzy i have trampled over my own sorrows, undermined the little joys and overlooked the moments of pride and passion...

i have moved on... with the devil's advocate i have ravaged all that i had.. and its over now.

i remember as a child i loved the cloudless sky dotted with the kites... reds, greens, yellows- their long tails wobbling in the air- i wanted to reach out to them.. fly high! and i did.. but that day i din feel that chord in me; i just marveled at science n settled in the executive class comforts paid for... just debit-credit folks!

the rains din spray on my face, as i watched from inside 'controlled environs'.. i din even smell the earth, din even spalsh!! did i miss the nuances of life? the emotional tag that made life so special when i was germinating??

some relations, some threads of bondage, obscure faces stare at me when i look back but i see the affections in their eyes, i see i still have a space to squeeze in there... and i long to, but alas! its emotionslos! the mechanisms of life help me toil, driven by logic and reasoning i drive myself, strain myself.. harder every time. i know not where i am heading, to whom?

i only know, i have lost my bag of emotions and am just trying to run away... just run away